One of the greatest challenges Real Food Foodies face is socializing. Nothing kills a friendship buzz like a friend who can’t eat anywhere because everything served is “too toxic.” I mean, pesticides, GMOs, and processed foods are certainly unhealthy. But having lived for nine months with a natural-foods-only family as a teenager, I know how it feels to be treated like a leper (Dr. Pepper was forbidden at the dinner table). Those strong food quality convictions can make for some really undesirable conversations.

Not everyone is a good communicator. That's fairly obvious. What isn't so obvious, or at least commonly discussed, is when it's a good time for even talented communicators to zip the lip. Some of you communicators out there feel entitled to speak at all times, given the fact that when you do speak, people understand what is being said. 

Having a gift isn't the same as being mature, however. This is where people get confused. There are many skilled communicators who are VERY immature. There are various reasons for stunted growth in social and emotional areas, and we won't cover all the reasons why this happens today.

After some honest reflection, it's rather obvious to me that a gifted communicator will get away with a lot more immaturity than others, if for no other reason than because he or she can talk a good game. Sadly, knowing words and how to use them does mean that you are the embodiment of their concepts. Politicians are the perfect example. Eloquent words of peace, new beginnings, and reform are always popular subjects for political speeches. Does anyone really believe that these men and women espouse their stated ideals?

People learn to say what it takes to get results. Period. Children learn this at an early age. If good behavior doesn't attract attention, then bad behavior is the next choice. If that gets results, the child tries it again later. Eventually, a child learns what is effective and what isn't. The ends justifies the means.

Until you grow up… at least, that's the hope. Hopefully, you eventually reach a certain point where you weigh the pros and the cons and make intelligent decisions, sometimes accepting the more difficult road in light of the costs of the easy road.

Gifted communicators learn early on that the right words unlock the right doors. They find that if they can simply study words and the responses they elicit, the right combination of words can be found each time to elicit the desired response. For an immature communicator, this means that people and words become mathematical equations. Plug the right symbols into the right places and the equation works perfectly.

Sadly, this means that some communicators spend more time studying how to manipulate people than how to mean what they say. These orators have the gift of gab, and it's their ticket to the big time just like stunning looks allow some women to get whatever they want without ever developing a deeper personality.

I guess it's the same deal as always, different details. Football stars make their way through life on their athletic talent. Musicians and singers get what they want because of their ability. Models get what they want because they're beautiful. And talkers get what they want because they know the right words to say. 

All of these giftings may require some discipline to hone or maintain, but we all tend to gravitate towards what we do best. We all want praise and we all want to feel valuable. 

The biggest challenge for a gifted communicator will be learning when to remain silent. You may know the right words to get what you want, but can you walk the talk? If you're not speaking from life experience or sincere belief, chances are your mouth will write checks your character can't cash. Just remember that silence can be more profitable than the right words, if it means that you don't overextend yourself. Do what you say. That's character. If you can't do it, don't say it. 

You're only as good as your word. 

If I had a dollar for every person I’ve met who has yet to grasp this concept, I’d be rich. Why do self-absorbed people never understand this simple lesson? I’m going to spell it out for you in simple English so you won’t miss it this time:

Stop always talking about yourself!

Okay, now for some elaboration. You’re not off the hook yet. This includes all of you who may not talk about yourself, but you’re only interested in the conversation because someone else is talking about you. If they discuss themselves for very long at all, your mind wanders and you wish the conversation was over.

Here’s a tip: Grow up!

Some people actually believe that they are very popular because the people they speak to are less selfish. Sorry, but you’re somehow taking their kindness and unselfishness and assuming that they don’t have a dozen other topics as interesting or more than you that they fail to mention. Well, if they have so much of importance to say, why do they always talk about me? Hmmm…. Well, the obvious reason is that you hung the moon.

Right.

Interpersonal Relationship Tip #1: Engage the other person on whatever level they are capable. Start by discussing the other person. If and when they appear comfortable discussing other things for any length of time, feel free to follow their lead. At times, it will be necessary to prod someone out into unfamiliar waters because without some help they’re going to stay put forever.

How do you know which type of person you are? It’s simple, really. Does the conversation revolve around you or the other person? There you go. If you don’t regularly express interest in other people’s lives, you are the weaker one in the relationship (don’t freak out, guys – this includes any level of knowing another person).

This post comes from years of being the person who always asks dozens of personal questions about other people in an attempt to get people to talk. It’s great to know people, so don’t think that I’m complaining for all the information I’ve received. Far from it. But there comes a point when you realize that after all the effort you’ve put into knowing someone, they’ve never reciprocated interest. They still know you only on the levels which you engage them.

At some point, we call these people leeches. They feed off the attention of others who are willing to get to know them. But they’re uncomfortable allowing someone else to receive positive attention, so they either stick with selfish topics or they lash out in resentment. Some people already know that they fall into this category, but feel powerless to change. Others don’t care to change. Still others are unaware, or refuse to become aware, and they choose instead to make others feel stupid when the conversation ceases to revolve around them.

There are two types of bodies of water: flowing and stagnant. People very closing resemble these two types. Stagnant water becomes a swamp: rotting, infested with insects and mold. Flowing water remains fresh and healthier to drink. People who absorb all the attention and conversation are a swamp. They start to stink after a while.

Think about it. Even if you’re too proud to overtly acknowledge the point, maybe there’s someone in your life you’d rather not lose to your own selfishness. It’s worth considering.