I have wondered about you for 20 years. I have hoped that I would do right by you, and feared that I would not be able to help but fail you. I have wondered who you would be. I have wondered if you would be like me. I have feared that you will receive all the attention, and the next will feel forgotten.

You are the greatest gift, though you barely exist. You have existed in my heart for years. I have written to you and for you in my journals these past ten years. I have thought much about the life I will prepare for you.

I will not turn you into a task. You will not be my list of do’s and dont’s. You are mine. You come from me. I will honor your life with my fullest attention.

I will not make you an idol. I will live a balanced life, and show you how to do the same. You shall have everything that is mine. Nothing will be withheld from you.

I wait to meet you face to face with great anticipation. Your arrival will mark a miraculous moment in my life. You will teach me what I have forgotten: to see the world with eyes of wonder, fear, astonishment, and joy. You will draw from me latent wisdom and understanding.

I have not met you, but you are no stranger. Flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. You are a part of me. I am a part of you. When you suffer, I suffer. When you rejoice, I rejoice. Your suffering cannot go unnoticed by me. Your hopes and dreams are more precious than a lifetime of fame. Your success is my success.

You will live with possibilities I never knew. I will encourage your creativity, your curiosity, and your passion. You have my blessing to be exactly who God made you to be. And I will be every bit the father you need to make the journey. And should I fail, your heavenly Father will cover you and protect you with his love.

It is not long now. Soon, we will meet, face to face. Enjoy the journey, my beloved.

— Pappa

5 responses to “To My Firstborn”

  1. Nicely crafted, Daniel. My daughter’s birth was one of the greatest things to ever happen to me. The miracle of birth is just that — a miracle. Being a supportive, loving parent is the most challenging yet most rewarding thing you will ever do.


  2. I heard the news the other day while I was browsing myspace. Since chatting with Heather a few months ago, (As silly as it sounds) I have been checking back about once a month waiting for the announcement. I have been trying to find a way to contact her. I no longer have a myspace account and I haven’t had a good cell number or email address for years. After google-ing her name and then yours, this is as close as I have been able to get to her. Would you mind passing on my emial address if she is interesting in talking. I would appreciate it! Congrats on the mini-Dessinger!!!!! – Cheneya

  3. Lovely, just lovely.
    It is a kindness beyond measure to serve such parents with open hearts, open minds and open arms.
    I have always been awed by the fullness of love when you choose to share this life with children.
    First thing I noticed was, they were really sharing with us:)
    In support,
    Kathy O

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