If an Ideal Blogging Niche Exists for Me, Maybe it’s The Struggle

I don’t want to go over again how weary I am. I’ve been at a loss for a blogging niche I can emotionally and mentally commit to. A less stubborn individual might take that as a sign from God that maybe blogging isn’t to be the most important thing in my life right now. After all, God supplies bounteously according to our callings, right? Sheesh… I better move on to my point before logic and revelation deconstruct my last shred of blogging impetus.

Then it struck me: what if my niche is the struggle itself? The struggle for identity. The struggle to understand what it means to have a prophetic calling. The struggle between business and ministry. The struggle to end the struggling.

It “may” be that God has a time of hidden study for me, and I keep avoiding it and trying my darnedest to break out into the spotlight. If so, God help me. I’m more of an attention whore than I’d like to admit.

What Do YOU Want to Be When You Grow Up

“Danny, what do YOU want to be when you grow up?”

That question always puzzled me as a boy. What do I want to be? How the heck should I know? I have to BE something? What for? Why didn’t I get that memo? And am I REALLY going to grow up and be an adult like you?

People’s expressions taught me that it wasn’t okay to not have an answer to this most important question. I, of course, did NOT have an answer, so I made one up. The two answers I used most often were “I want to be a basketball player” or “I want to be a pastor.”

Nice combo, eh? The basketball player part is obvious. Basketball is fun. I was okay at it. I had dreams of being better. People did it for a living and no one asked THEM what else they wanted to be. So that was as good an answer as any. But the pastor thing? I have no idea where that came from. Seriously. I didn’t actually WANT to be a pastor. I didn’t much care for the pastor we had, and he was my only pastoral role model.

So there’s a mystery for you. Why did I say I wanted to be something I didn’t actually want to be? Why not a policeman, fireman, astronaut, doctor, or something “normal”?

You got me. I have no clue. But that’s what I chose.

Here I am. 32 years old. Still asking myself this question. What DO I want to be? What is deepest, truest passion? What is it that would most fulfill me in my life?

If I had to guess, I’d say that the reason I didn’t have any aspirations as a child was because I had never heard of or imagined the purpose God has for me. It’s hard to say you’re going to be a nuclear physicist when you’ve never heard of even an ordinary physicist, right?

Right. And I’d never heard of a prophetic person, or prophecy in any context until much later (and even then, the only context was of end-times prophecy which I don’t worry too much about). So it’s ironic that I chose to tell people I wanted to be a pastor, because that was the only member of the fivefold ministry I’d heard of at that stage in my life.

Sadly, I STILL don’t know what a full-time prophetic ministry looks like. I see John Paul Jackson, but he’s into these international prophetic training schools. That’s great, and much needed, but I don’t want to leave my wife and family every few days to travel the world. I also see Rick Joyner, but I’m honestly not sure what he does. He’s written very popular books, of course, but I guess he sort of runs a church, like a pastor. I’m not into being a pastor. I know that’s not my particular set of giftings or interests.

Somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind, I have an idea of what church SHOULD be, and it incorporates all members of the fivefold ministry: Apostles, Prophets, Pastors, Evangelists, and Teachers. I’ve never seen a model of this in the real world, but I think it makes perfectly logical sense that the fivefold ministers should be actively working together to train and grow the Body of Christ. What a concept! A pastor, a prophet, an evangelist, and a teacher all working together! Does that ever happen?

Since most churches are built upon a pastor/teacher’s charisma, insight, or gifting, it’s rare to see church leaders share the spotlight or the power. They’ll call it whatever they like, but they’re really running a corporation as the CEO.

Back to my original dilemma. I actually know what I’m called to. But I don’t know what it looks like. And I don’t have the faintest idea how it generates income without being oogly (i.e. creepy and dangerous). I’m ready to make a move. I’m ready for transition. But I don’t yet see what I’d be transitioning into.

Pursuing What God Made Me For

If it seems like I own too many websites, it’s because I do. If it seems like I don’t update them often enough, it’s because I don’t. This site isn’t really a blog. It’s more of a home base, from which you can venture out into the world to see what I’m up to.

If you look to the right and the left, you’ll see links to websites I either own or contribute to. Feel free to catch up on the latest articles or delve deep into the archives. For now, this site will remain largely untouched, because it is the hub from which all the spokes point, and, well, because I haven’t decided what to do with it yet.

I have found that in life, it’s not a question of whether I have an option. It’s a question of which option to choose.