Seven years ago, I was proud of my little independent coffee shop right down the street. But then a Starbucks moved in. Within two years, the indie shop moved to downtown. i was stuck with Starbucks, a name brand I had always associated with everything soulless and cheap about American business. That was, of course, until I saw their prices. They’re definitely not the Wal-Mart of the coffee shop industry!
Since there was no one else, I gave Starbucks a chance. Truthfully, it was the college campus Starbucks that gave us a $70 credit that really got us hooked. Not sure how that happened, but somebody was a brand genius (bastards!).
So it was actually the free coffee on campus that finally connected me to a brand I had no interest in. What can I say? I was poor and cheap and it was one of the most popular places to be on campus (i.e. small campus).
It’s 2007, and I work from Starbucks on a daily basis. I spend more time at Starbucks than church. More time at Starbucks than at all my friend’s houses combined. More time at Starbucks than any other place in the universe outside of my home, and even that would be close if it weren’t for sleep time.
Without further ado, here are the “Top 10 Signs You Are a Starbucks Tramp”:
#10 – Every barista at Starbucks knows your name, though you’ve spent no time with them as friends.
#9 – You actually spend time campaigning to get your deep thoughts printed on the outside of the Starbucks coffee cups.
#8 – The employees let you pick the background music.
#7 – You bring back lunch for the baristas on duty because they expect it.
#6 – You visit other Starbucks locations when you need to spice up your life.
#5 – You feel clever for ordering the Starbucks wi-fi service as an employment tax writeoff.
#4 – You feel comfortable bringing in food from Chik-fil-A.
#3 – You catch yourself referring to your favorite Starbucks as “The Office.”
#2 – Baristas offer you free drinks when you look depressed (’cause let’s face it: you’ve become the store’s ambiance)
And the #1 sign that you are a Starbucks tramp:
#1 – You feel entitled to the padded chair when you arrive because it has your permanent butt imprint.