in Culture

The Perfect Pick-Up Line 2.0

I’m sitting at Panera Bread with Nathan Holman, wondering how to best help him find the right woman. Well, maybe I’m not so concerned about the right woman as he is. I just wanted to see if I could play a part in it. So I brainstormed (yes, this is what I do with my spare minutes), and came up with a killer idea.

Pick-Up lines are so last decade. It’s time for the pick-up line to step into the 21st Century. So here’s the plan:

Step 1: Pick out the woman in a cafe (take your time: find one suitable to your tastes)

Step 2: Make sure she’s not wearing a ring (that’s always a mood killer)

Step 3: Get your camera phone ready for a picture

Step 4: Plan your route to the restroom strategically for at least two strafing runs

Step 5: Take her picture

Step 6: Return to your laptop

Step 7: Write a blog about the most beautiful woman sitting in your cafe, how you asked her out on a date, she said yes, and they both lived happily ever after (the details here can be your own)

Step 8: Add the picture you took

Step 9: Post the blog with her photo

Step 10: Pick up your laptop

Step 11: Carry it over to her table

Step 12: Set it down gently in front of her

Step 13: Calmly take your seat across the table

Step 14: Smoothly swivel your laptop to face her

Step 15: Say to her, “Hi, I’m ____. I was wondering if you could make this come true”

Step 16: Get her number

See how easy that was?!?!?!? You stud, you. Rinse and repeat.

******Emergency Step 17***********

If she happens to look horrified that you took her picture without her consent and she makes a move to call the police to grab a random blunt object from her purse, grab your computer and run like hell!

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  1. wow. not gonna lie. That’s pretty good. Really. If that happened to me I’d be smiling ear to ear. Seriously, I’d be flattered.

Webmentions

  • Agent Bedhead May 26, 2009

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