“Danny, what do YOU want to be when you grow up?”
That question always puzzled me as a boy. What do I want to be? How the heck should I know? I have to BE something? What for? Why didn’t I get that memo? And am I REALLY going to grow up and be an adult like you?
People’s expressions taught me that it wasn’t okay to not have an answer to this most important question. I, of course, did NOT have an answer, so I made one up. The two answers I used most often were “I want to be a basketball player” or “I want to be a pastor.”
Nice combo, eh? The basketball player part is obvious. Basketball is fun. I was okay at it. I had dreams of being better. People did it for a living and no one asked THEM what else they wanted to be. So that was as good an answer as any. But the pastor thing? I have no idea where that came from. Seriously. I didn’t actually WANT to be a pastor. I didn’t much care for the pastor we had, and he was my only pastoral role model.
So there’s a mystery for you. Why did I say I wanted to be something I didn’t actually want to be? Why not a policeman, fireman, astronaut, doctor, or something “normal”?
You got me. I have no clue. But that’s what I chose.
Here I am. 32 years old. Still asking myself this question. What DO I want to be? What is deepest, truest passion? What is it that would most fulfill me in my life?
If I had to guess, I’d say that the reason I didn’t have any aspirations as a child was because I had never heard of or imagined the purpose God has for me. It’s hard to say you’re going to be a nuclear physicist when you’ve never heard of even an ordinary physicist, right?
Right. And I’d never heard of a prophetic person, or prophecy in any context until much later (and even then, the only context was of end-times prophecy which I don’t worry too much about). So it’s ironic that I chose to tell people I wanted to be a pastor, because that was the only member of the fivefold ministry I’d heard of at that stage in my life.
Sadly, I STILL don’t know what a full-time prophetic ministry looks like. I see John Paul Jackson, but he’s into these international prophetic training schools. That’s great, and much needed, but I don’t want to leave my wife and family every few days to travel the world. I also see Rick Joyner, but I’m honestly not sure what he does. He’s written very popular books, of course, but I guess he sort of runs a church, like a pastor. I’m not into being a pastor. I know that’s not my particular set of giftings or interests.
Somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind, I have an idea of what church SHOULD be, and it incorporates all members of the fivefold ministry: Apostles, Prophets, Pastors, Evangelists, and Teachers. I’ve never seen a model of this in the real world, but I think it makes perfectly logical sense that the fivefold ministers should be actively working together to train and grow the Body of Christ. What a concept! A pastor, a prophet, an evangelist, and a teacher all working together! Does that ever happen?
Since most churches are built upon a pastor/teacher’s charisma, insight, or gifting, it’s rare to see church leaders share the spotlight or the power. They’ll call it whatever they like, but they’re really running a corporation as the CEO.
Back to my original dilemma. I actually know what I’m called to. But I don’t know what it looks like. And I don’t have the faintest idea how it generates income without being oogly (i.e. creepy and dangerous). I’m ready to make a move. I’m ready for transition. But I don’t yet see what I’d be transitioning into.