After my men’s group tonight, I came home conflicted. Something doesn’t feel right. I’m upset, and normally I don’t allow myself to indulge in negative emotions. What could they benefit me, right?
But tonight, I felt like I had to be as honest with myself and with God as I could be. So I vented. I allowed myself to sound frustrated while I vented my thoughts to God. And you know what? I felt better. Not because anything changed. And I didn’t even experience a catharsis. But it feels good to be honest. To not put on a good face.
There’s a fine line between choosing to focus on the positive in order to avoid dwelling on negative things and choosing to be honest enough to share the real emotions that aren’t getting expressed often enough.
I don’t know what I’m saying, really. Just rambling at midnight.
On a side note, my heel has been aching when I put pressure on the ball of my foot. I’ve stopped wearing my Fivefingers temporarily while I let my foot rest. My chiropractor tells me I need to exercise more if I’m going to wear those shoes because my feet can’t handle the strain if they’re not strengthened properly. Probably true. I don’t know many people who wear them more casually than actively.