At my wife’s request, I saw Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation at the theater by myself on opening night. She watched the kids while I watched some of the best suspense-filled action scenes of the year. I know, she’s great. 

As I headed for the men’s room after the credits, I suddenly notice all the men in the hall and exiting the restroom. Some look very unassuming and normal. But a few have those designer jeans that want you to know they were really expensive. And the rest of their clothes are equally gaudy. They’ve got a measure of machismo going, and I can’t help but wonder who they think they’re fooling.

I mean, let’s break this down. It’s Friday night, and you are in a MOVIE THEATER. Not slammin’ eight balls or stealing cars or wining and dining super models in Jacarta. You get your kicks by watching other badasses do amazing things and get the girl. And you walk out the door to take a piss.

Yeah, I realize I just did the same thing. Irony and all that. But I’m not the one wearing gaudy bedazzled jeans hoping everyone looks at me and thinks I’m a force to be reckoned with. No, I’m just the guy who feels a deep layer of satsifaction at having enjoyed a REAL meal while watching a movie in a leather chair because I snuck some food in my laptop bag. That’s as super spy cool guy as I get.

So here’s to you, movie theater peacock man. Keep rawkin’ those spangly jeans and muscle shirts. Everyone knows how you roll.

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