in reflections

Does God Really Care About Me?

It’s easy to make a strong argument from either angle: Either God absolutely loves you with an unflinching, never-giving-up, always and forever love, OR God talks about love but really just wants you to do the right thing or He’ll punish you.

You have your own position. I get it. We promote the version that agrees with our experience. Maybe your position is that God doesn’t exist. Maybe you’ve prayed dozens of times and never gotten the answer you desperately needed.

I wish I understood why He does what He does. I clearly do NOT have all the answers. There are times the heavens have felt like brass and nothing passed through the ceiling. Other times it has felt like God was hinting to me through every possible channel: my own journaled thoughts, random comments from baristas, and quotes in my Instagram feed.

I will tell you that I have both kinds of experiences. Some that could prove to me that God isn’t real and some that prove to me that God is everywhere. And so, I choose what I believe. I choose to hold onto the belief I want to hold. And when doubt whispers to me, I respond to it with what I believe to be true. I talk to my doubts and my fears. I answer them with words recorded in Scripture.

I’m not trying to brainwash myself. But I’m living as though not all thoughts in my head come from me, and sometimes they have to be met with firm and unyielding confidence.

I don’t have all the answers to WHY. Thus far, He hasn’t felt the need to explain Himself thoroughly to me. I have had experiences, and I’ve had periods of drought. So my opinion of who He is and what He is like is based mostly on what I choose to listen to, think about, and believe. When I actively choose to believe He is faithful, it alters my level of expectation. When I actively choose to believe that He doesn’t care what happens, my expectations hit rock bottom and rock bottom is rarely disappointed by the outcome.

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  1. Amen to that! Sometimes you just know that the thought you had didn’t come from inside your own head. It’s kind of hard to explain, but when you hear it, you know.

    • Agreed. And yet it’s so easy to not question the flow of thoughts, as though it’s just natural that they’re there, regardless of what they say. I think people frequently accept lies and all sorts of negative thoughts that don’t originate inside themselves and it changes the trajectory they’re on. I want to help change that.