Category: people

  • Digital Flaws

    Heather and I had a wonderful anniversary. We took lots of pictures, and as I uploaded them to the laptop last night, I realized that digital cameras aren’t very forgiving. Let’s face it: they’re down right rude. They do not cover blemishes or forgive leftover crumbs. After seeing myself in these photos, I fear that I must hire an image consultant to redeem myself. Either that or a personal trainer.

    A photo journal of our day is on the way. Looking back, I regret that I didn’t take pictures of the places we went, to serve as chapter headings. Oh well. Guess we’ll have to live with pictures of ourselves!

    Honestly, Heather is a doll! I cannot believe my supreme luck at landing a hottie like her! This only leads me to wonder: what the heck was she thinking?!?!?!


  • Our Three Year Anniversary

    As of today, Heather and I have been married for 3 years. No amount of denial can shake the fact that I’m getting older. Not really… I’m not one of those people who has a problem with aging.

    Heather is such a thoughtful woman. She spent hours working on a sneaky secret strategy for our anniversary. She planned the whole day, and I’ve been the helpless awestruck victim! She really went above and beyond this time. It’s 4:33pm on Saturday as I write this, and we are at home taking a break. We’ve been on the go since 10am.

    It’s going to take several posts to cover the day (we’re photographing all of it), so check back in a few hours and you should see parts two and three with photos included.

    This is so fun!


  • Christmas at the Dessingers

    It’s Christmas Day, and we’ve already celebrated with one set of family. Heather, my mother-in-law, and I visited my family for an early Christmas celebration. We had a wonderful time in the Oklahoma City area. There is something so different about OKC and Edmond. The air is so calm and peaceful in comparison to Dallas / Fort Worth. The entire region’s atmosphere is simply more calm. It’s like going to the DFW suburbs and vacuuming the frenzy right out of everyone’s lives. I sometimes wonder if the people in Edmond even have real problems.

    I am destined to smell good this year. Common gifts I received from family members this years were colognes and Barnes & Noble gift cards. Apparently I need to both groom and educate myself better.

    We enjoyed some good eats while we were there. The main holiday dish this year was beef brisket, and it was good! We also hit up a sandwich shop called McAllisters (not sure about spelling) near UCO that makes a killer reuben sandwich. Last night we tried The Cheesecake Factory for the first time. Wow. It was awesome. I’m not a huge cheesecake fan, but the Tiramisu was slammin’.

    Perhaps the best parts of the time we spent with the family were the personal and homemade gifts a few people gave. My wife made an excellent gift for my grandparents. Needless to say, I don’t think a single female in the house made it through the gift giving process without shedding at least a few tears. It was one of our best Christmases ever.

    We’re getting ready right now to go visit Heather’s sister. I am beginning to love the holidays more and more.


  • Writing the First Family Christmas Letter

    It’s the most wonderful time of the year. That is what they say, right? Yesterday, the Christmas cards started piling in. It’s a shame, really, that we all don’t find excuses to communicate more often. Still, it’s heartwarming to receive them, and probably more so because of the Christmas season.

    A few couples including my grandparents (Howard and Judy Dessinger), David and Caroline Shorter, and Russ and Christy Hemati have gone a step further by writing a Christmas letter. I love the Christmas letter. A year-end summary tells me what I’ve missed, and reminds me why even great distances cannot keep me from caring.

    In light of the heartwarming effect Christmas letters have on me, I am inspired to write my own. Most of our friends and family don’t spend much time on the Internet, much less reading blogs like this. In order to keep in touch with most of the people we love, emails and/or conventional letters are still more successful.

    So this year, we will send out our first family Christmas letter. It’s exciting to begin traditions, especially if you can recognize them as such from the beginning. It is a husband’s privilege to feel he has contributed to the formation of traditions within his family.

    I am grateful, and pleased to know that many years from now, we will have a tradition in place which will be treasured for years to come by friends, family, and our children.


  • Heather Is My Hero

    I had a miserable day today. I couldn’t focus for anything. Want to know what ADD looks like? It looks like me, frantically scampering through my thoughts in vain attempts to reign in sanity, clarity, and self-control.

    On the upside, my wife was a complete doll this evening. She knew I was frustrated and she went out of her way to make me feel supported and encouraged while I worked. I have this weird deal where I feel more calm and peaceful when she is near. So she came into the office and read a magazine while I worked. Just having her nearby helped to calm my thoughts and allowed me the opportunity to focus and get my work done.

    Once upon a time, I thought it was cool to have psychological and emotional problems. These were slightly misrepresented in films where the dark, wounded figure seemed to be so poetic and beautiful. Now a problem is a problem. It’s not practical to wish for problems just to live a dramatic life.

    Give me fully-functional parts any day over the jumbled mess I sometimes face. Any day. But until then, give me a wife who treats me like mine did today. She made it worth living.


  • My Thoughts on the Righteous Man

    For years, I worried about being a righteous man. I never measured up to the standards set by my church, my family, and my Bible. I constantly felt overwhelmed by all the ways a person should respond with kindness and love and selflessness. I failed miserably.

    For a time, I stopped caring. I surrendered. I accepted the fact that I didn’t measure up, and I quit trying to. These days, I see things a little differently. I don’t try to be a man who is perfect at everything. Now, I try to be a man who excels at one thing. One thing is easier to manage than hundreds.

    For me, that one thing is being a husband. I couldn’t have forseen it before marriage, but satisfying my wife is an fairly life-consuming task. I don’t mean to say that my wife is difficult to please. Far from it. Sometimes I think she is just grateful that I’m not a drunk or violent man. Sometimes I really think she must have set the bar fairly low to be so happy with me.

    Then I realize that for all my faults, I provide her with one of the things her heart needs most, which is. wait for it. loving attention (sorry – the old Doogie Howser dude is getting to me on How I Met Your Mother). That’s right. I give her my attention. I’m not always the best listener; in fact, I really like to hear the sound of my own logic. But I give her the best of my time always. We spend lunch times together. We spend weekends together. I go with her to the grocery store. We curl up on the sofa and watch television together (except when it’s the Dallas Cowboys or Mavericks).

    There are times when I have the opportunity to hang out with a friend or go out by myself. That’s fine. I enjoy it. But as we wrap up our third year of marriage, I am blessed to enjoy spending so much time with this incredible woman. The truth is that she is my best friend. I enjoy her company. It’s actually fun to hang out with her!

    My goal in all of this is to establish within her a deep revelation of my love and desire for her. I want her to be confident in my affection. She will not “think” that I love her or “hope” that I love her. She will know it. She will know it more than she will know anything else.

    That is my one thing. I may or may not be a righteous man in any other man’s eyes, but I believe that a loving, nurturing husband is a righteous man.


  • eHarmony and Christian Principle Part Two

    I realize that at times my writing is scatterbrained at best. I knew that the first post on this topic was just a quick dump, without form or attempt to structure. Sometimes it is necessary just to avoid forgetting the primary thoughts and/or feelings on a given subject. As I think of the subject of finding one’s Christian soulmate, I think primarily of the woman, simply because men seeking commitment and/or Christ seem to be in short supply.

    There is this mad rush to marry all the most popular girls at a young age, and then many of the quality people are still waiting for Mr. Right to come along. So what is a woman to do? In the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex alone, I know of ten charismatic churches with memberships of 1,000 or more. There are at least twice that in the area, but I’m being conservative. Out of those ten “megachurches,” there might be anywhere from 50-100 single, available, and relationship-seeking men between 30-40 years old. Slim pickens, I’d say.

    Maybe there are many more out there, but even if there were, a woman couldn’t visit all ten churches and meet all 100 men in less than a couple years. Think about one’s chances of showing up to visit a church and 15% of the available guys are not present that week. Even if they were there, how would you meet them all? And how would you weed through the ones who are married, dating, or simply too immature to consider? This is where a service like eHarmony comes into play. Sure, it’s not as popular as Yahoo’s dating service or Match.com, but millions of people do use it and find love. And it seems to be the number one place for Christians who are looking for marriage. If you’re going to fish, start with the right pond. Don’t waste time.

    A service like eHarmony allows a woman to enter her personal information. Then it checks men with similar personal information and provides her with a collection of matches. These are what we in the marketing world call qualified leads. They are men, they are Christian men, they are Christian men looking for a woman, and they are Christian men looking for a woman somewhat like you. You won’t run into anyone saying, “I just want to be friends.” No chance of misinterpreting the situation here. If you agree to meet, you both know it’s a date, even if you bring other people along. The men don’t have a chance to search through all the dating profiles online. That means that they can’t be a different person to each woman, simply manipulating their way into women’s lives. They have to enter one profile, and they will be matched with similar profiles.

    The woman call allow the matched men to make the first move if she wants. But it is definitely another way to let the right kind of people know that you are available. Set your criteria as strict or as loose as you want. You can change it over time if you are not receiving the results you desire. Look, I’m not promoting eHarmony; not really. All I’m saying is that a woman should have a fighting chance to find happiness in a healthy, godly relationship. And those of us who have found our wonderful mates already have no right to begrudge someone else that same privilege.


  • Thanksgiving Day Celebration

    We made it to my parents’ house. It’s great to see family. I’m pausing to write a brief post here because I needed to get away from the discussion of declining ethics and morals among Americans. Yes, I agree that such decline exists. But no, I have no desire to wax on and on about it because there’s nothing I can really do about it.

    We’ve experienced a couple mini crises over the past 24 hours. My wife lost her wedding ring last night, which is simply heartbreaking for her. I even took apart the sink pipes to check, but no luck so far. Heather’s mom is praying that the ring will appear somewhere soon. I don’t have the faith to really pray for that, but I’ll take it if it comes. I got the crap beat out of me on the basketball court last night. My foot hit a major wet spot on the floor and slid out from under me while the rest of me decided to fall in a crumpled heap, resulting in the first splits I’ve performed in my entire life. I’m suddenly very grateful for the butterfly stretches I started doing a week ago. Doing the splits still hurt like hell, but I might have been temporarily disabled if not for the stretches.

    We’re waiting for my sister to arrive from Tulsa. She spent the day with our grandparents. They’re awesome people. I miss them. It’s unfortunate that they couldn’t make it this year. Reason number one for convincing the family to move to DFW. Once my sis arrives, we’ll dig into some tasty grub. Right now, the women are talking health and kittens. I’m going into the living room to catch the Cowboys with my dad. Happy Holidays, everyone! I have much to be thankful for.


  • Russ Hemati, Social Responsibility, and Parenthood

    I don’t know what else to say. Russ Hemati managed to shatter my sense of how the world functions. Russ was one of those rare people you ever get to meet in your lifetime if ever who could literally write his own ticket if he only chose to do so. He will never admit to this, of course, because he has found it logically necessary to assume the figure of humility, although I don’t consider it pride to admit to the truth.

    He is that intelligent. I think it should be known. I think he could be an asset to more people than he realizes if he were to only expand his willingness to accept public exposure. Well, there are worthwhile debates over this. We can impart a deeper sense of humanity, spirituality, philosophy, and stability to a few people via actual relationship. Writing books, blogs, or journals will never have the power of impact that a relationship can have.

    Why else did Jesus walk the earth with his disciples? Why didn’t he just heal people, preach, and write a book called, The Gospel of Jesus? Why did he entrust the retelling of this amazing story to a handful of mostly uneducated fishermen, waiters, and tax collectors? I think there was something more in the impartation of his life. Authors like John Eldredge, Donald Miller, and Stu Weber agree that something is imparted to a young man when he experiences the physical presence of a mature, masculine adult.

    Call it what you will, but I have to agree that physical discipleship is more effective than teaching via booklet or blog. Still, there is something to be said for reaching more people quickly. Perhaps we each have our own callings, even those of us with similar giftings. Perhaps some of us are called to share who we are with a small group, and others of us are called to share who we are with the masses. Strategically, it makes sense to do both. You want the deep conversion that comes with close proximity, but you don’t want to wait for generations to pass before enough people are changed that everyone out there has a chance to know a part of what you have to share.

    So some of us focus on the few, some on the many. I’d say that I probably focus on the many right now, while Russ focuses on the few. He is obviously equipped to share with the many, though writing may not be his favorite method of expression. But I had certain expectations of him during college. Sure, he’ll be a PhD soon enough and I’ll have to call him Dr. Hemati, but I saw him as one of those guys who could become nationally renowned if only he would become a bachelor for life, devoted to his craft.

    Okay, so I’m not disappointed in the least that he married. He and Christi make a wonderful couple. I knew that years ago. Still, you don’t meet someone like him very often. Russ and Christi now have a baby girl, Claire, and Russ is forever branded with a father’s love. That love will motivate and rejuvenate him throughout the years to come, but it will also pose some limitations. This is what we call Life.

    We each face these decisions in our lives. Decisions which literally alter the path of our future. Russ is not likely to ever regret the decision he has made, both as husband and as father. He is very pleased with the outcome of his circumstances. And he should be.

    But people like me can both appreciate the good and the beautiful while simultaneously viewing the imaginary “what ifs” that haunt us, wondering what greatness he or she missed out on. It is not mental illness. If anything, it is merely ambidextrous instrospection.

    Russ will never become a Nietzsche or Einstein or von Balthazaar. I shouldn’t say never. But the odds are no longer in his favor. Who has the time to postulate new theorems or invent new inventions while giving the baby her bottle and changing her diaper? I haven’t seen or heard of it happen yet. A man can be brilliant and a good father at the same time. But brilliance is capacity and father is activity. All I’m saying is that I don’t see how a man can truly reach his potential as a father while dedicating enough of his time to something else to produce genius.