so what does a person from the Philippines or Kuwait look for when arriving at this website? it is an interesting question. people rarely fit into prefitted expectations. they are like square pegs and round holes.

yet since i recently added the neo counter tracking system, i can see that i’ve received 82 visitors from 13 countries. 13 different countries, and yet i haven’t been visited by all the English speaking countries. i don’t think i ever will truly understand people.

i’d like to know more about you. i’d like to know what brought you here. i’d like to know if you were disappointed or surprised or even bored.

some people treat their blogs like diaries or personal journals. i’ve done that in the past and i’ll do it again. but those people likely only attract their friends. since i have none, i’d like to know why you read anything here (actually, i have a select few friends – don’t worry).

are you here because you are looking for a copywriter? are you here because you were looking for more theories on the television program LOST? are you here because you were trying to find decent bowfishing tips? are you here because you are looking for a social commentary on pop culture? are you here to read my thoughts on metrosexuals? are you here to read my opinions of MySpace? are you here accidentally? are you here to rant and rave about my criticism of Matisyahu?

the possibilities are virtually endless. my topics are so frequently random that i do not know which ones actually bring people here to read. sometimes my writings are random because i am random, and sometimes they are random because i fear limiting myself to one topic. my MySpace blog was more limited to one topic, and i received a lot of positive feedback. but how do you stay so personal when your blog’s web address is listed on your business card? i don’t know. it was either a stroke of brilliance or sheer stupidity.

if you would, take the time to drop me a line. let me know what brought you here, what you read while you were here, and your response to what you read. i like getting to know people. i like hearing their thoughts, beliefs, feelings, desires, and dreams.

must have coffee… i feel like a slug… more later

it is supremely frustrating to try and try to think of words to write and thoughts to convey, only to find that the well has run dry. i ask myself why i struggle to find the words that used to roam so freely.

cigarette smoking was a powerful vice in my life. i didn’t just want to smoke. i needed to smoke. i depended on those smoke breaks to clear my mind, to return to calm during an argument, to feel okay in the world, and to self-medicate my ADD.

when i quit smoking last fall, it felt like i was sacrificing my firstborn. i was suddenly alone in the world. i lost my best friend. i lost the drug that held me up.

since then, i’ve filled spare moments with novels, movies, and television shows. i know, i know – not very poetic. so be it. the truth is what the truth is, not what we’d like it to be.

i realized yesterday evening that i hadn’t been allowing myself any spare moments to process all of the information i was ingesting. i’ve been so busy trying not to feel empty that i now have less to contribute to the world. there is something about silence that allows a person to digest what has been consumed and process it into something useful. without doing so, all that is consumed builds up in one’s system, coating the inner walls of the soul and wreaking havoc with one’s state of well being.

the answer to writer’s block is common sense: give your mind and your heart time to process. you don’t swallow whole sides of beef without chewing, do you? what would that do to you, other than choke you? chewing is processing is digesting. it is breaking down that which is consumed into smaller and smaller parts until the useful parts can be used and the unuseful can be removed. in a strange way it is also like sifting for gold.

ironicly enough, i came to this realization the moment i paused in silence and reflected on the situation. i digested just enough to realize that i need to spend more time chewing my meat properly.